What's the Big Deal About Breasts?

An Important OUMMCBNOM Expose

Longtime OUMMCBNOM readers may be somewhat shocked to see the OUMMCBNOM addressing an issue as controversial as this one, but our observations have suggested that the strange power breasts hold over some has great scientific and social importance. Thus, we decided to embark upon a quest to answer the age-old question: what's the big deal about breasts? We have attempted to attack the issue from a number of different angles, including interviews with affected males, anthropological and psychological texts, and more.

The Interview

In our attempt to answer our questions, we decided the best source of information would be a young college male. Our subject has requested that his identity remain a secret, but the OUMMCBNOM staff would like to thank him and our interviewer for being willing to answer and ask, respectively, these challenging questions.

Lu: I never really thought there was a huge deal about breasts. Some guys like huge breasts, but it looks painful for girls' backs.

Jane: What size do you like?

Lu: I guess so there's something there, but not too overwhelming. I like a handful, just so you don't get lost in them ...but its nice to have a little topography.

Jane: Like in general?

Lu: Anything between the extremes is okay. Breasts don't make or break appearance.

Jane: Are you lying?

(pause)

Lu: No. It's what's inside that counts.

Jane: Inside the breast?

Lu: Yeah. No! Are you using my real name on this?

(pause)

Lu: Breasts are an accessory.

Jane: Like earrings?

Lu: They're like ac in a car.

Jane: A nice touch, but not necessary. You don't need them in winter.

Darwin's View

Charles Darwin's writings on sexual selection can add a great deal to our discussion. In his book The Descent of Man, Darwin describes how the process of sexual selection encourages certain physical traits in men and others in women. For instance, he subtley offers that, "In woman the face is rounder [than in man]; the jaws and the base of the skull smaller; the outlines of the body rounder, in parts more prominent"
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